Fat People and Varnum v. Brien
The Iowa Supreme Court tomorrow is suppose to release their rulings and opinion on Varnum v. Brien — Iowa’s gay marriage challenge.
There is an excellent review of the legal arguments here.
Gay marriage is going to happen. MLK Jr thought the arc of history bends towards justice. I am not so poetic, I would phrase it more along the lines “Old people will die sooner rather than later.” I should also note that there are a lot of old people who are on the right side of the issue.
The decision might be one I don’t approve of, and they find compelling state interest in banning of gay marriage. There is a giant silver lining!
I’ve got your compelling state interest right here!
It opens up the way to ban fat marriage. It is well known that fat parents have fat children. It’s true they are not all fat, but there are also slim parents popping out porkers. We, as a society should not have to condone fat marriage– it might be the most pressing societal need (econi-what now?). I’m nice to fat people, but I don’t need fat people holding hands in public forcing good decent normal people to picture horrible, awkward, flabby, fat-smacking sex. It ain’t normal.
Now, I am a realist and I want to stress this because I fear I might be sounding a bit Draconian. Putting on weight in college is normal, and you definitely get a free pass for the freshmen fifteen. We all know college kids will put anything in their mouths.
This also leads to the banning of dick-bitch weddings. Nothing good can come out of it. It is money wasted on gathering people together so that when the bride and groom aren’t around everyone else is taking dibs on how long it will last or listing how many guys at the wedding the bride has slept with. We can find other excuses to drink beer.
In fact, we should in the end preserve marriage by having the two slim, completely well-adjusted, good humored people get married (unless they’re both girls). OH, and the gold-diggers. That (treasury) bond is sacred.
If the Iowa Supreme Court rules in favor of Varnum, then a little piece of the bombastic preachers denouncing the decision should take comfort in that it is one more roadblock to the banning of obnoxious marriage.
